I leave for the fam’s tonight. Still worried about the whole food issue, but I’m thinking of trying to make a dish for the meal as well, so we’ll see how that goes.
The other thing I’m really worried about, and I won’t get too much into it, is being asked my opinion on or being drawn into a discussion of the Ft. H00d shooting. My problem is that my mom simply refers to him as “the terrorist.” My opinion? He’s a piece of shit who happens to be a whacked out fundamentalist Mu$lim. The thing that bothers me is that whacked out fundamentalist Christian$ who shoot doctors who perform abortions and who bomb health clinics that perform abortions in the name of God and who terrorize women for exercising their constitution right to safe reproductive health are not sweepingly labeled as terrorists, when the definition of a terrorist is one who engages in act of terror (of course I know this is a definition in its most simplistic form). Just because he proselytized a crazy and incorrect religious view to his patients doesn’t make him any more a terrorist than a Chri$tian shrink who does the same thing. It makes him a bad doctor. It makes him a dangerous doctor. Don’t mistake this for me thinking that what he did was okay–which is how my parents will interpret this–but I think it’s dangerous, even during war-time, and perhaps even more dangerous during war-time, to pass judgment on an entire group. No Mu$lim groups that I have heard have endorsed this act. I think it’s unfortunate that he happened to be a fundamentalist Mu$lim given the current climate because if he were a Jesus freak, no one would be batting an eye. It’d be simply a random act of violence. Once all the facts are in, if it turns out that he did this specifically as an act of jihaD or admits to it as such, then I will change my tune. But until then, I’d rather just think of him as the horrible, odious, piece of shit human being he is, religious views notwithstanding. And this is probably what I should say when the subject is brought up, because especially since the SB is in Afghanistan, it almost inevitably will.
Enough of that. I don’t want to give that asshole any more attention and I really don’t want a bunch of people to end up here and jump in on this because of the topic. And I apologize if I offended anyone for altering the spellings of religious practitioners in those two groups. Again, I don’t want a bunch of hits for these things which is why I haven’t even discussed the topic.
I feel like I should offer a warning now in that I feel like a lot of my posts in the near future might be dealing with me struggling through this “Maude is a comp teacher” issue. Those of you who are comp teachers, do you have any book suggestions that might help me work through some of my struggles? I mean, is there a book out there like, So, You’re a Comp Teacher Now type thing? (the SB has a So Now You’re a Vegetarian book). Just please don’t suggest any Peter Elbow. I despise him. I don’t even know if he’s still relevant. The book of his we had to read for my comp/rhet class–that was the only time I ever went into a grad class and told the instructor, “I didn’t read this. I got 20 pages in, figured out that he was full of shit and was so angered by him, I couldn’t go any further.” And it was like 300+ pages, too. The thing that concerns me a lot about this issue and this struggle, too, and who knows, maybe by the time I get to teaching major classes in my field, these things may work themselves out, and maybe it seems especially hard now since I have 4 writing classes, but I’m supposed to take over the Writing Program Administrator job in the fall. I knew this when I was hired that this would be part of my job. The faculty all rotate through this position, and I get a course release and an additional stipend for being the WPA, but I worry how good of a job I’m actually going to do at it.
Part of me really worries about getting stuck in a rut already, that the time and energy I’m going to be putting into the Writing Program, both as the administrator and with 50-75% of my classes being writing classes, I’m worried about this keeping me from the things I love to study and the things I want to write about. I know it doesn’t have to be that way. I know it’s up to me to make the time to keep up with my field and be productive in my field, but if 75% of my job is going to be this other field, I mean, I’m going to be expected to devote more time to that, right? I don’t want to put myself in a position where this becomes my life. Again, not because I do not value writing or comp/rhet programs, it doesn’t make my any happier than I would imagine a person who is in comp/rhet would be at having to teach Moby-Dick every semester for 2-4 classes a semester, or likewise someone who studies 20th century Brit Lit would be at having to teach Ben Franklin every semester for the majority of her classes. Sure, they could probably grow to tolerate and appreciate it’s importance, but their heart wouldn’t be into I imagine. Or maybe I much less dynamic than others.
Again, things might change in the coming year when I am teaching majors. I might find my groove here once I get into actually teaching in my field. I’m certainly not ready to pass judgment yet or throw in the towel. I am trying to remain hopeful that regardless of the number of writing classes or being the WPA, I will still be able to devote the time and energy I want to my field. The other thing that concerns me, that I can totally see happening is that if it turns out that I am unhappy, that I am not able to remain active in my field because my job is 75% comp/rhet, that I will, as vulgar as this sounds, be stuck here, and mostly because I like the area. I can’t imagine leaving the area, and I’m worried about becoming complacent and not doing what I need to do that would, if the time comes, make making a move more likely. I know, too, just because I may want to move, doesn’t mean that I will be able to, especially if the job trends in my field continue. But the only way I will be able to even consider another place down the road means that I need some kick ass pubs, and I worry that if almost all of my energy is going toward something else, if this is even possible, and if it’s possible for me to avoid putting myself in or ending up in such a situation.
This is not to say I’m ungrateful for my job, or even necessarily unhappy yet or that there is even ever a chance of me making anything other than a lateral move. And I know that in the next year or two I may absolutely be positively happy in my life and my job that this might be a moot point. But I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad thing to be thinking about these things anyway. I mean, what if I do end up with triplets and a job opens up near family? I’d at least like to be able to have a shot at other opportunities should they arise, right? It doesn’t mean it will happen. Anyway, I guess I should get ready for school. I have more thoughts, but I’ll save those for later.
